This is your culture, America.

It’s not the Grammys. It’s not the Oscars. It’s sure as hell not the Golden Globes. It’s the VMAs — the product of the MTV generation — the place where has-been stars grip and claw at the chance to regain any slither of relevance (Good Charlotte). It’s the place where you tell the world you’re pregnant (Beyonce). The place to wear glasses for no discernible reason (Bieber), or to really really try to regain relevance (Seth Rogen, Andrew Dice Clay). Moreover, this is the awards show for the ADHD generation, where hashtags determine popularity in the wake of VJs. This, in a nutshell, is America:

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John Hendrickson is the managing editor of Reverb and a multimedia journalist for The Denver Post. Follow his rants on music and more on Twitter.